This past Tuesday we had our final home study. It was very surreal as our licensing worker walked through the door that night. We sat down and had the chance to chat for a few minutes while we waited for Adam to get home. I have to say, I didn't think this day was ever going to get here. We have had many bumps in the road and even scheduling our last home study was a task. Finding the time and then having to reschedule a previously scheduled time due to an emergency in the foster care system and then having issues with our camper that made Adam late this tuesday. But as we learned in our foster care classes, we tried to be flexible and understanding. Knowing that God was in control of this whole situation and he knew in advance how everything was going to play out.
Not only are we done with our home study we are also done with our foster care classes. Last night, Wednesday, was our last class. It was sad knowing that we will not be seeing these people, our friends, every wednesday. We had the chance to go around the room and tell everyone what was our favorite part of the class, what we have learned and any closing remarks we had for everyone. The transformation from the very first class to last night was incredible. We all came in there scared and unaware that we could do it, but with the help of this amazing teachers and the PRIDE curriculum we have transformed into confident and knowledgeable foster parents. Am I saying I am not scared anymore? NO. I will be scared every time I receive a new placement, but I have the support from first and for most God and the support from all these amazing people that were in my class.
Alivia has this new thing she says while she is watching her favorite, non scary, cartoon involving a little mouse and his friends. She will say she is scared. As a parent I can see she has nothing to be scared about. I can see that everyone in the clubhouse will eventually figure out their problem and be ok. I can see that the big ole' cat is really just wanting to be loved. She can not see that and continues to say she is scared. My mom took the approach of telling her that God loves her and she doesn't have to be scared. And told her to say, "God loves me, God loves me, God loves me" every time she feels scared. I began to see the relation with what was happening with Alivia and what was happening to me with foster care. Many times we are scared because we can not see the ending or how a certain situation will play out, but God knows. He is watching over us and he sees the whole picture and knows there is nothing to be scared about. So once again I say trust that God is taking care of you and whenever you feel scared say, "God loves me, God loves me, God loves me!"
So know we wait. We wait for a placement. Be praying that we will be wise in our placements and wise in how to love on our placements. Thank you for walking through this journey with us. I will be updating as we get some kids in our home or whenever God tells me to :)
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Last Home Study!
On May 5th I completed my very first Half Marathon. It was a total of 13.1 miles. This was huge for me for multiple reasons.
One, I am not a runner. Not now or even when I was in the best shape of my life. In middle school I tried out for the track team and made it because well...everyone in middle school makes it! At one of the first practices we were told to do sprints behind the school. It was my turn and I was set and ready to go. I started off great and then I saw my best friend Lindsey come out of the school. (She was a great runner but she was currently unable to run due to an injury) That is when my runner carrier ended, I made a beeline to her instead of finishing my sprint! ha!
Two, I am a busy mom. Not only do I have to watch my amazing 2 year old grow and learn each day, I have two great new businesses that I am patiently trying to get off the ground. These two jobs are my way of helping out with the finances and letting us do those fun extra activities!
Three, four weeks before the race I injured my foot while training and was unable to finish my training for the race. My doctor put me in a boot for two weeks and asked that I would have physical therapy on my foot after those two weeks were over. At that point I believed I was done with training and participating in this race. Financially we could not afford the physical therapy that our insurance didn't cover! So I was on my own and trusting God to show me what to do.
My sister encouraged me to try to run the race with her and we could stop if my foot was bothering too much. So I did! The day of the race was so exciting. Casi and I stayed right together the whole time. We ran/walked throughout the whole race and my foot never once bothered me in the place I injured it a few weeks back. God is so good! We finished in just over 3hrs! Amazing time for someone who couldn't train and had a bum foot!
Thursday after the race we went on a family fun together. There is a MASSIVE hill by my house that is easy to run down but I can't seem to run all the way up it! Thursday was different. As we made our trek up the hill I kept thinking about how I just ran 13.1 miles and I CAN do this! I asked God to give me strength to get to the top and with a lot of heaving breathing, I made it!
It is amazing how I once thought I would never be able to be something or do something, then God shows me otherwise. I never dreamed I would finish a half marathon, let a lone want to do another one after that. I have the strength and I am able to do great things. Once again I say, God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the ones He calls.
Tonight is our last home study for our adoption classes. After our last class next wednesday we will most likely be license to begin taking in children. It is amazing how far we have come. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as this process of becoming foster parents ends and being foster parents begins!
Know that YOU are capable of doing great things. It may be scary and hard at first but once you cross over that finish line it will feel amazing to know you did do it and you are capable!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13
Two songs for yas today! :)
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Have Your Way
Today, May 2nd 2012, is a bittersweet day for our family. The sweetness of today is that it is my mother-in-law Marla's Birthday. Her birthday is always a reminder of her birth and celebration of course, but also of spring and summer is close by. We look forward to this time of year. And this year was suppose to be a little bit more precious.
Back in September we announced to our family that we were expecting, again. The best part was calling up my mother-in-law and telling her we could possibly be giving her a wonderful birthday present, a new grand baby on her birthday. We were all ecstatic. Unfortunately, the baby only survived for a short 6 weeks inside me and went to be with his/her four other brothers/sisters in Heaven. This was a hard time for myself and Adam and our family. But we knew that God had a plan and we had to trust Him.
Before getting pregnant with this past child we tossed around the idea of adoption. It was in our plan to adopt after we had all of our kids. But after this last miscarriage I knew that I could not go through another miscarriage again, and I was done. It was a moment in my life that stood still. A moment I will never forget. The moment I gave up my plans and gave them to God. His plan was and is far greater than we could imagine that day. Because of this baby and his short life, we chose to move forward with fostering.
How could each of these babies in Heaven have a plan? Each of them did. Each baby brought our family closer to this point of letting go and trusting God with our life. And the old saying "easier said than done" is completely true. I still struggle daily with my plan for my life and what I want.
I want a lot of kids. Even if you have known me for a mere 20 minutes, you will know this to be true. Children our my passion and I even received a degree in Elementary Education studying children. I have worked along side kids all my life, since I was old enough to babysit at the young age of 13. I know how they tick and I am able to get down to their level and understand their wants and needs. Why wouldn't God want me to have kids?
I began reading that book "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith" a few weeks back and I came up on a part talking about leaving something behind. If you are move forward with God's will for your life many times He will ask you to leave something behind. This could be a location, like when my sister Casi left her family & friends to go to Nashville for a new job. It ended up being the best decision of her life. She misses us greatly, but doing what God has called her to do has made her blossom into this amazing women of God and He has blessed her tremendously. Or it could be a job or an idea. It is leaving the control you have on something and giving God room to take over. This doesn't mean that ones life will be miserable if they don't give up something, it will still be good. It does mean that if you do trust God and let go....you life could be amazing!
God wanted me to leave an idea of something:
(I wasn't going to share this...but here we go)
Two weeks ago I was abruptly woken up in the middle of the night. I am not sure of the time but it was dark. There wasn't a sound but I knew I was suppose to be awake at that moment. That is when I heard it...HIM. I have never in my life heard HIS voice this way. I experienced times where I felt He was leading me somewhere or giving me a nudge, but this was HIS voice. Loud and Clear. What did HE say? Another one of those moments that stood still and will never ever leave my mind and soul. "Audra, you need to leave the idea of having multiple children." WHAT?!!? I was shocked. I layed in bed staring into the darkness for what seemed like hours. Then I began to pray. I prayed for forgiveness over my idea of a lot children, I prayed that God would forgive me for my prideful thoughts on deserving a lot of children due to my experience, and I prayed for forgiveness over judging others for only having one child. I never understood why people would only have one kid. Children are gifts from God, why wouldn't you want more? This is not my job to judge, it is Gods and His alone. I do not know their story and I ask for forgiveness from everyone who may have felt judged by me.
I am not sure at this point what God means by what He said to be that night. I know that He is already taking me through a journey because of those heart wrenching words. By no means do I feel ungrateful for what I have. I am so blessed by Alivia and the joy she has brought our family. She is more of a miracle to me today than she was the day she was conceived and brought into this world. She is here on earth for a reason and I am going to soak up all the time I have with her and enjoy the precious moments I have just me and her.
God is preparing me. He wants me to understand that this fostering journey is going to be rough and that I will want to keep all of these kids. They are not mine to keep. They are mine to take care of and hopefully show them the love of our Lord. I am better equiped now to be a tool in Gods tool box. I am here to help bring these families back together by being there in their time of need. And if one or more of these children need a permanent home down the road, we are here!
Back in September we announced to our family that we were expecting, again. The best part was calling up my mother-in-law and telling her we could possibly be giving her a wonderful birthday present, a new grand baby on her birthday. We were all ecstatic. Unfortunately, the baby only survived for a short 6 weeks inside me and went to be with his/her four other brothers/sisters in Heaven. This was a hard time for myself and Adam and our family. But we knew that God had a plan and we had to trust Him.
Before getting pregnant with this past child we tossed around the idea of adoption. It was in our plan to adopt after we had all of our kids. But after this last miscarriage I knew that I could not go through another miscarriage again, and I was done. It was a moment in my life that stood still. A moment I will never forget. The moment I gave up my plans and gave them to God. His plan was and is far greater than we could imagine that day. Because of this baby and his short life, we chose to move forward with fostering.
How could each of these babies in Heaven have a plan? Each of them did. Each baby brought our family closer to this point of letting go and trusting God with our life. And the old saying "easier said than done" is completely true. I still struggle daily with my plan for my life and what I want.
I want a lot of kids. Even if you have known me for a mere 20 minutes, you will know this to be true. Children our my passion and I even received a degree in Elementary Education studying children. I have worked along side kids all my life, since I was old enough to babysit at the young age of 13. I know how they tick and I am able to get down to their level and understand their wants and needs. Why wouldn't God want me to have kids?
I began reading that book "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith" a few weeks back and I came up on a part talking about leaving something behind. If you are move forward with God's will for your life many times He will ask you to leave something behind. This could be a location, like when my sister Casi left her family & friends to go to Nashville for a new job. It ended up being the best decision of her life. She misses us greatly, but doing what God has called her to do has made her blossom into this amazing women of God and He has blessed her tremendously. Or it could be a job or an idea. It is leaving the control you have on something and giving God room to take over. This doesn't mean that ones life will be miserable if they don't give up something, it will still be good. It does mean that if you do trust God and let go....you life could be amazing!
God wanted me to leave an idea of something:
(I wasn't going to share this...but here we go)
Two weeks ago I was abruptly woken up in the middle of the night. I am not sure of the time but it was dark. There wasn't a sound but I knew I was suppose to be awake at that moment. That is when I heard it...HIM. I have never in my life heard HIS voice this way. I experienced times where I felt He was leading me somewhere or giving me a nudge, but this was HIS voice. Loud and Clear. What did HE say? Another one of those moments that stood still and will never ever leave my mind and soul. "Audra, you need to leave the idea of having multiple children." WHAT?!!? I was shocked. I layed in bed staring into the darkness for what seemed like hours. Then I began to pray. I prayed for forgiveness over my idea of a lot children, I prayed that God would forgive me for my prideful thoughts on deserving a lot of children due to my experience, and I prayed for forgiveness over judging others for only having one child. I never understood why people would only have one kid. Children are gifts from God, why wouldn't you want more? This is not my job to judge, it is Gods and His alone. I do not know their story and I ask for forgiveness from everyone who may have felt judged by me.
I am not sure at this point what God means by what He said to be that night. I know that He is already taking me through a journey because of those heart wrenching words. By no means do I feel ungrateful for what I have. I am so blessed by Alivia and the joy she has brought our family. She is more of a miracle to me today than she was the day she was conceived and brought into this world. She is here on earth for a reason and I am going to soak up all the time I have with her and enjoy the precious moments I have just me and her.
God is preparing me. He wants me to understand that this fostering journey is going to be rough and that I will want to keep all of these kids. They are not mine to keep. They are mine to take care of and hopefully show them the love of our Lord. I am better equiped now to be a tool in Gods tool box. I am here to help bring these families back together by being there in their time of need. And if one or more of these children need a permanent home down the road, we are here!
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