Holding On

It has been a few months since I have posted anything on this blog.  Honestly, it has been a rough few months.  Many things going on emotionally that I (we) had to deal with before I even began to think about writing again.  Everyone has something they have to deal with, the question is are you dealing with it alone or with God?  I have had many disappointments that have come my way in the last five years but the one thing that has brought me through is walking through those hard times with God by my side.  He reminds me that I am loved, wanted, beautiful, desired, and worthy.  And as those hard times come my way and I want to wallow in the dark places and think I am not loved, unwanted, ugly, undesired and unworthy I have to force myself to hear the truth.  Over the last few months I have caught myself in those dark places and unable to get out.  Some of the lies I was allowing myself to believe is that I wasn't worth receiving any blessings from God.  That is dumb right....but I'm sure many of you have thought that at one point and time.  I "believed" that if God loved me he would give me the things I desire right now.  We know that God does want to give us the desires of our heart, so why wasn't he giving me mine?

Timing.  I talk about this a lot.  God's timing is perfect.  This is a truth.  Something I have to keep reminding myself.  Another thing that is truth is that I am worth receiving blessings and so are you! I heard a story on the radio today about a young girl who never felt beautiful because she never measured up to her tall, blonde curly hair friends.  She was short and had dark straight hair.  She wondered why God made her this way and thought the same lies many of us think.  Later in life God called her to be a missionary in China.  People in China are a lot smaller than people in the US and have darker hair.  Now, doesn't it make sense to why God made her exactly how did?  So she would fit in where people need to hear the word of God.  He has a purpose and a plan for EVERYTHING he does...even down to your looks!

A few days ago, very close friends of ours arrived in China to pick up their beautiful daughter Sophie after years of waiting for her.  I can't speak for them but I can say from what I have heard from them and experienced by hanging out with them, this was not an easy process.  There were many moments when they thought...WHAT?!?!....they didn't understand what God was up to.  But all those twist and turns and surprises brought them to a little girl that needed them, exactly them.  They are going to make great parents and I am so excited for them.  They were able to finally see Gods plan in all the waiting.

I am in the spot of waiting...still.  I may not know why Adam and I are waiting right now.  I may take everything personal and think it is because I am not good enough or I do not deserve getting pregnant or have a placement.  I cry with joy & sadness whenever someone tells me they are pregnant or they received a placement because I wonder when it is my turn again.  Its not that I need a baby or a placement, its just that I need answers and I want to move on if the answers aren't my own.  These are lies that are creeping into my thoughts.  What I need is God's truths.  If I focus on the truths the lies will slip away.  Just like the two stories I shared, God has perfect timing for everything that is happening.  I may not understand why I still have a crib set up in our spare room or why I am saving all of Alivia's clothes, but I do know that I am doing it for a reason.  I am doing everything for a reason.  God created us perfectly and his plan is perfect.  And I don't need anything but God and his plan for my life.  I am (you are) worth the waiting because it is going to bring forth God's glory!

Our friends in China with Sophie on Gotcha Day!