I pedaled out of my driveway and began my ride. Music poured into my ears and right to my soul. My soul was in need of a little spiritual awakening. Ok, I big awakening. My heart was crushed to put it lightly and I was at a crossroad in my faith. My emotions wanted me to turn from God while my spirit was whispering "hold on stay on the path I've laid out for you."
A long month earlier another one of our precious children made it to heaven after just 8 weeks here with us. We had so much hope in this pregnancy and were heart broken at the outcome and wondered what God was doing.
I keep peddling down the road and after 5 miles I am getting tired, wanting to give up. Songs are still poring in from my Laura Story pandora radio station. My prayer continues and I ask God to speak because I am in desperate need of hearing from him right now. Questions were running through my mind:
God, do you want us to have more kids?
Should we keep trying with full awareness that this could happen again?
Do we need to be done?
I paused....
God whispers "don't give up."
My breathing increases and I see a hill ahead of me. I could turn back and go back the way I came or I could even call Adam and have him pick me up. But as I hear God speak I stand up on my bike to get a little bit more momentum to get over the hill. As I approach the top of the hill I am overwhelmed by the most beautiful sky. The sun is just setting over an endless field of soybeans and corn. Colors of orange, yellow and red spread Across the sky. As my heart beats faster and sweat pours out from under my helmet I am overcome with joy. What if I gave up? I would have never seen this beauty.
Oh I love how God uses moments like this to speak to us. "Don't give up" repeats in my head. What if I have up after my first two miscarriages? I wouldn't have been blessed with the most wonderful gift God has ever given to me. I think back to some key women in the bible. What if they had given up?
Ruth- she lost her family, her husband, and her heritage. She could have went back home and lived with her family and been surrounded by people that didn't follow God. She chose to be with her mother in law and travel back to the promise land with her. She endured a long rough road to get there but God blessed her with everything she ever wanted and more. She met Boaz and became part of Jesus's lineage.
Bathsheba - lost her husband, her first born son with the king and then she became pregnant with Solomon. Also in Jesus's lineage.
Mary - God approached her with the most wonderful task of all. She was called to be Jesus's mother and would become pregnant as a virgin. She knew what this was going to do to her reputation. She would be hated, talked about, banned and could even be killed for such a thing. She didn't give up and chose to follow God in this wonderful plan he had for her life. If she would have said no she would not have been the mother of Jesus, our savior.
God knew exactly the what he was doing when he chose these women. Their faith was astounding and their life style showed an abundance of Gods grace.
As I'm reaching mile 9 I see my house on the horizon. I say out loud, "I won't give up!"
