Tears in a Tattoo Parlor

September 2nd 2007 I married my best friend.  Someone I met five years earlier at the college we both attended.  It was another one of those nights where my roommate and I were looking for something to do.  So we headed to the Lew, the student activity center.  That is where I met him and that is where he stole my heart.  We were introduced by a mutual friend and the moment we began talking the voice inside my head said, "this is the guy I am going to marry."  I kid you not!  We didn't start dating until three years later.

Now, I won't go into detail about our dating years but they were quick and our engagement was even quicker.  We were ready or so we thought.  We were married by the lake shore in Green Lake, Wi on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

The honeymoon didn't last very long and we were knee deep into real marriage by the second month.  Things were hard, plain and simple.  We both had expectations about marriage that were not being met.  To top it off we experienced two of our miscarriages in that first year.  We didn't know how to handle all that hard ache.

God brought us through a lot and looking back he ordained every move and every circumstance to bring us to where we are today.  My parents were in a horrible motorcycle accident back in 2009 and we were living 7 hrs away at the time.  I got in my car and never came back until we were moving our things back to Illinois.  I bring this up because it is a key point in our ordain appointment coming soon.  This move brought us back to my parents but it also brought us to The Edge, a church that changed our marriage completely around.  Because of this church and the community we experienced going there we have gained some great friends and mentors.  They have taught us how to love each other better and others more appropriately.  And our relationship with God has grown tremendously.

We wanted to start our fifth year of marriage off right so we decided to renew our vows while we were celebrating our anniversary in Indiana.  We booked a room at a bed and breakfast for the very first time.  We were unsure but when we got there they made us feel right at home and after talking with them for a few short minutes we realized they were christians.  We were able to talk with them about our visit and our faith during our stay.  It was amazing.  We decided to renew our vows while over looking the rolling hills in Brown County State Park.  We went in not knowing where we were going to do this but I knew that God would lead us to the perfect spot.  As we came up over this hill and around a curve we both saw it at the same time and said that this was the spot.  We read our own vows to each other while we took in the beauty of God's creations.  It was amazing once again!

Now, if you know me you know that I have wanted a tattoo for a long time.  What more perfect way to mark this moment than to get tattoos together.  I knew Adam wouldn't go for this.  He has been telling me no for years.  He told me he wanted it to mean something.  Well, I went off that and told him what was going to mean more than us getting our vows renewed.  He was hesitant.  I shared with him my idea of a tattoo and I gained a little bit of ground.  I stopped.  I didn't want to persuade him to get a tattoo if it really wasn't something he wanted and would regret later down the road.  So as I sat in silence and I prayed.  I asked God to give Adam wisdom in this decision and if he wanted him to do this that He would speak to him now and give him a clear cut answer.  I said Amen and Adam spoke up and said, "Ok, lets do it!" I was shocked and excited at the same time.  I researched a place and we were on our way.

The place was called Eternal Ink Tattoo.  We pulled up and immediately noticed the nice Harley parked our front.  "Sweet ride" we said to each other as we walked to the front door.  We walked in and the owner, Sonny, was putting on his coat to leave for the night.  He was your stereotypical tattoo artist, a harley guy with tattoos lining his arm.  He asked us what he could help us with and we told him, "We want tattoos." As we described what kind of tattoo we were looking for he decided that he could fit us in since it wasn't going to take but 10 min each.  Right away Sonny's personality stuck out to me.  He was funny and really made us feel welcomed right away.  We asked him to tattoo Phil. 2:3-4 on both of our left wrist.  As he prepared our tattoos we began talking to him and guess what?  We found out he is a believer as well.  He was even playing christian rock music in the back ground.  We spent 2 hours in that tattoo place that night talking and getting to know each other.  At the end of our time there he brought us over to his desk and said he wanted to read us something.  He pulled our his bible and began to read James 1:2-8 to us.  I was in tears immediately.  What he was speaking to us was coming straight from God and directed to us about our many years of marriage struggles.  It completed the whole renewing our vows experience.  We walked away that day with amazing tattoos, an amazing experience and an amazing new friend, that invited us to dinner the next time we were in town.  God is so good.

We felt so blessed walking out of Sonny's Shop that day.  It is a day we will never forget and if we do our tattoos will help us remember.

I trust you God....but...

Have you ever caught yourself saying these words, I trust you God but.....?  I know I have many times.  I can go way back to when I believed that trusting God had strings attached.  I had my ways and I wanted my ways to be fulfilled.  I unfaithfully believed that God was against me when something didn't go my way.  How could you not want me have these things God?  Why did you let me hurt this way God?  God I can't handle this, please take it away.  In each of those moments I believed that I knew what was best for my life.  I believed that I knew what I deserved and it wasn't this.

Why do we feel like we deserve far greater than we have?  I deserve to have kids, I deserve to have that house, I deserve to have those clothes or that car, etc.  We are taught that if we are good we are entitled to great things.  We ARE entitled to great things, just not the earthly desires that we first turn to.

-Life was not given primarily for physical pleasures, but for something greater, the approval of God -John Piper

We are not here for our own earthly desires but for the enjoyment of God.  We should not desire these things because these things will not give you true enjoyment, only God can.  God knows the desires of your heart and He fights for you.  He is a good God and a just God.  He wants these things for you.  Many times there is a bigger picture we can't see yet.  This bigger pictures if far greater than those earthly desires.  Such as when I cried out to God for each of my children.  "God, don't take this one away from me."  I could not understand why God wasn't for me with this and why He didn't save them.  The bigger picture is I was taught a far greater lesson through those experiences than I could have with those babies in my arms.

I began to see the true meaning of trust through all my experiences these past few years.  In these past few years things have happened to me that reveal that God is for me.  Countless times we have tried to buy a house and it has been frustrating each time that we are let down for many different reasons.  As friends and family are buying their first houses we are at home with my parents, waiting.  As I look back to each of those times we wanted to put an offer on a house, I can clearly see God saving us from unforeseen problems, the real-estate crash or being relocated.  Each time he was saying, "Be patient my child, I have something far great than this" so we waited and we still are waiting.  I know that there is something God is saving for us and it is going to be good.

Each day I fight this fight of trusting God.  I can't do this alone,  I have great people in my life that remind me daily of God's love and God uses them to give me little nudges about what it really means to trust in Him.  Now that my eyes are open to his faithfulness I can faithfully hand over each anxiety I have to Him and trust that all is well and I had nothing to worry about.

God knows your beginning and your end.  He knows what you need and will provide, always.  Do not be anxious about anything.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Let the days own trouble be sufficient for the day" (Matthew 6:34)

If you don't feel you are capable or worthy enough for something, pray that God will mold you to be that person and trust He will.  If you don't feel that you can handle the hurt, pray that God will allow you to overcome the heartache and trust He with you every step of the way, holding your hand.  If you feel that your desires are not being met, pray that God will meet them and Trust that He will in His way and know that His way is far greater than our own understanding.  Don't put God in a box and expect little things.  Take God out of that box and expect great things.   You are more than your earthly desires and you deserve the amazing things He has for you!

All Eyes On Me

A week ago today I experienced one of the scariest moments of my mothering experience.  It was another one of our slow and normal Thursday nights.  We take this night to play outside or go for a walk.  This particular night I asked a good friend of mine to take a walk with our kids.  My daughter ended up falling face first on a bar at the park.  She landed on her nose and I've never seen so much blood.  We ended up taking her to the ER that night to make sure she didn't have a concussion or a broken nose.  After speaking to the doctor and having her checked out for an hour, she was given the ok to go home.  We had to wake her up every four hours that night and we were relieved to see that she was almost back to normal the next morning. The one thing that was different was her nose.  It was big...very big.  There was no bridge between her eyes and nose ran into her eyes as if they were one.  I felt horrible.  I knew it must hurt and all I could do was ice it when she allowed me and keep giving her motrin.  I knew it was only going to look worse before it looked better and it just so happened we had a really busy weekend.

Here we are at the E.R.

Right before she went to bed that night.  She was already back to her joyful self.

The next day at the fair I had her wear sunglasses to hide most of the bruising and swelling.  It helped but we still received many, many looks.  I even heard a few "awww"'s.  

Saturday afternoon we met Adam's brother, wife and daughter at a game center...sunglasses aren't really an option indoors.  So we just sucked it up and went inside.  Once again we got many looks from adults.   I knew they were judging me and wondering if I caused this.  I just kept smiling at them and didn't let it bother me.  

After we left the game center we headed to Goodwill to walk around.  And just like before many people that walked by us would cringe and then look at me.  I once again didn't let it bother me and we kept having fun shopping through Goodwill.  One lady come up to us and she asked us what happened.  I told Liv to tell her what happened.  She said, "I fell."  The lady then proceed to ask Liv in a very forceful tone, "Did you fall or did someone HIT you?"  I let out a little laugh and said that she fell and walked away.  

I wanted to blurt out, "DON'T JUDGE ME!" but I understood why they were.  They don't know me and I honestly might do the same thing.  I would wonder if the kid was getting abused and I would watch the parents behavior to make sure the the kid was ok.  

I didn't let this accident stop our everyday life.  We kept our normal schedule visiting friends, going to the water park and out to dinner with family.  I received many looks and comments directed toward my way about this little girls appearance.  I always kept my cool and answered as calmly as possible.  Even when this teenage girl watched as Liv was having a tantrum at the water park and proceeded to ask me "Umm...do you need help?"  Yes...you may now bring your jaw back up from the floor!  I KNOW! But I answered her with "No, but thank you." 

I realized over this past week that all eyes were on me.  They took one look at my daughter and then turned to me in judgement and seeking out whether I was a fit mother or not.  I could feel ever move that I made and how I parented my daughter was getting analyzed.  

This got me thinking.  Did God use this situation to teach me something?  He sure did.  This was another lesson or step in preparing me for being a foster mom.  Some of my children might look different than I or even physically have some bruises or marks from their previous home.  I will get many different kinds of questions and looks concerning these things.  Some will be innocent while others will be cruel.    How will I respond?  I want to respond in a way that is honoring to my children and in a way that I will make them proud.

Here we are today, still bruised but very happy!

  

No news...is good news?

I can honestly say that I thought we would have a new child in our home by now.  There seemed to be such a need and I figured if God had put us in this class that we would get a child as soon as we returned home from our vacation.  I heard of families who got their first call just four hours after they completed their Pride class or days after.  Its been 3 weeks since we finished our class.  I miss seeing our friends on a weekly basis, but I know that they are there for support if we need them.

While we were on vacation I began reading a great book that my friend gave me the day we left called "Another Place at the Table" by Kathy Harrison.  God gave us some not so great weather in the beginning of the week and it allowed me to finish the book half way through our trip.  It was an easy read and a informative read for our foster care future.

Kathy is a foster mom back in the 90's when things were quite different than they are now.  But this book was very informative and it gave me a glimpse into the life of a foster family.  It showed me how quickly kids could come and go and how flexible a foster parent needs to be with these transactions.  It gave me great insight on how to handle those tough situations that only therapist should handle.  It allowed me to think about how I will react in a crisis.  Kathy had a million things going on and then one of her kids decided to get her attention by grabbing the legs of the family cat and swinging her around the room.  The kids were crying and the cat was hurt.  What was Kathy's reaction?  She calmly told the kids to go do whatever they needed to do and asked her daughter to join her in their den.  They sat in silence for a while and finally when she could find the words to say she just asked her what happened.  She didn't yell or punish her.  She knew this was a tender moment and she had to use it in the right way.  Her daughter began to open up and talk about some of her life and Kathy was able to understand her better and had a better understanding of how to help her.  Kathy didn't let her get away with what she did but she calmly advised her to come to her when she was scarred, instead of hurting something, someone or herself.  Kathy says it perfectly about this situation "Its ironic really.  Those of us with the least training, at the bottom of the food chain so to speak, are the ones with the day-to-day control in the lives of these kids.  In a crisis like this, I have to decide how to respond."  And although she did feel incapable she handled the situation very well.

Kathy puts it so well.  She says, "It comes as no surprise that finding families willing to open their doors to the rigors of foster parenting is so hard.  Fostering means knowing about the things most of us would prefer to forget.  It means recognizing that our best is often not good enough.  It means only knowing the difficult beginnings of a story and being forced to imagine the end.  It means loving children who will ultimately leave us.  Then drying our tears and letting ourselves love again."

It is going to be hard, very hard.  But God didn't put us here on earth to live a easy selfish life.  He put us here on earth to serve Him and make disciples of all the nations.  I can best serve Him by loving on any and all the kids He puts into my care.  Even if that does mean I have to let go and trust God in all situations.  I will never give up praying for them.  "I want to live a life that matters, a life that makes a difference."

So as I am waiting here to see where God takes our lives, I am praying for these kids that come into our care.  Right now, I am thankful that there isn't an abundance of calls coming in, that means that for now I am not needed.  For now, a kid is safe at home.  But I pray that when that time comes God will wrap His arms around that child and let them know they are loved while their life gets turned upside down.

For as long as I have them, I will love them the best I know how.

Ending one journey and starting another!

This past Tuesday we had our final home study.  It was very surreal as our licensing worker walked through the door that night.  We sat down and had the chance to chat for a few minutes while we waited for Adam to get home.  I have to say, I didn't think this day was ever going to get here.  We have had many bumps in the road and even scheduling our last home study was a task.  Finding the time and then having to reschedule a previously scheduled time due to an emergency in the foster care system and then having issues with our camper that made Adam late this tuesday.  But as we learned in our foster care classes, we tried to be flexible and understanding.  Knowing that God was in control of this whole situation and he knew in advance how everything was going to play out.

Not only are we done with our home study we are also done with our foster care classes.  Last night, Wednesday, was our last class.  It was sad knowing that we will not be seeing these people, our friends, every wednesday.  We had the chance to go around the room and tell everyone what was our favorite part of the class, what we have learned and any closing remarks we had for everyone.  The transformation from the very first class to last night was incredible.  We all came in there scared and unaware that we could do it, but with the help of this amazing teachers and the PRIDE curriculum we have transformed into confident and knowledgeable foster parents.  Am I saying I am not scared anymore?  NO.  I will be scared every time I receive a new placement, but I have the support from first and for most God and the support from all these amazing people that were in my class.

Alivia has this new thing she says while she is watching her favorite, non scary, cartoon involving a little mouse and his friends.  She will say she is scared.  As a parent I can see she has nothing to be scared about.  I can see that everyone in the clubhouse will eventually figure out their problem and be ok.  I can see that the big ole' cat is really just wanting to be loved.  She can not see that and continues to say she is scared.  My mom took the approach of telling her that God loves her and she doesn't have to be scared.  And told her to say, "God loves me, God loves me, God loves me" every time she feels scared.  I began to see the relation with what was happening with Alivia and what was happening to me with foster care.   Many times we are scared because we can not see the ending or how a certain situation will play out, but God knows.  He is watching over us and he sees the whole picture and knows there is nothing to be scared about.  So once again I say trust that God is taking care of you and whenever you feel scared say, "God loves me, God loves me, God loves me!"

So know we wait.  We wait for a placement.  Be praying that we will be wise in our placements and wise in how to love on our placements.  Thank you for walking through this journey with us.  I will be updating as we get some kids in our home or whenever God tells me to :)

Last Home Study!

On May 5th I completed my very first Half Marathon.  It was a total of 13.1 miles.  This was huge for me for multiple reasons. 

One, I am not a runner.  Not now or even when I was in the best shape of my life.  In middle school I tried out for the track team and made it because well...everyone in middle school makes it!  At one of the first practices we were told to do sprints behind the school.  It was my turn and I was set and ready to go.  I started off great and then I saw my best friend Lindsey come out of the school.  (She was a great runner but she was currently unable to run due to an injury) That is when my runner carrier ended, I made a beeline to her instead of finishing my sprint! ha!  

Two, I am a busy mom.  Not only do I have to watch my amazing 2 year old grow and learn each day, I have two great new businesses that I am patiently trying to get off the ground.  These two jobs are my way of helping out with the finances and letting us do those fun extra activities! 

Three, four weeks before the race I injured my foot while training and was unable to finish my training for the race.  My doctor put me in a boot for two weeks and asked that I would have physical therapy on my foot after those two weeks were over.  At that point I believed I was done with training and participating in this race.  Financially we could not afford the physical therapy that our insurance didn't cover!  So I was on my own and trusting God to show me what to do.  

My sister encouraged me to try to run the race with her and we could stop if my foot was bothering too much.  So I did!  The day of the race was so exciting. Casi and I stayed right together the whole time.  We ran/walked throughout the whole race and my foot never once bothered me in the place I injured it a few weeks back.  God is so good!  We finished in just over 3hrs!  Amazing time for someone who couldn't train and had a bum foot!  

Thursday after the race we went on a family fun together.  There is a MASSIVE hill by my house that is easy to run down but I can't seem to run all the way up it!  Thursday was different.  As we made our trek up the hill I kept thinking about how I just ran 13.1 miles and I CAN do this!  I asked God to give me strength to get to the top and with a lot of heaving breathing, I made it!   

It is amazing how I once thought I would never be able to be something or do something, then God shows me otherwise.  I never dreamed I would finish a half marathon, let a lone want to do another one after that.  I have the strength and I am able to do great things.  Once again I say, God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the ones He calls.  

Tonight is our last home study for our adoption classes.  After our last class next wednesday we will most likely be license to begin taking in children.  It is amazing how far we have come.  Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as this process of becoming foster parents ends and being foster parents begins!

Know that YOU are capable of doing great things.  It may be scary and hard at first but once you cross over that finish line it will feel amazing to know you did do it and you are capable!  

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13

Two songs for yas today! :)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!

Have Your Way

Today, May 2nd 2012, is a bittersweet day for our family. The sweetness of today is that it is my mother-in-law Marla's Birthday. Her birthday is always a reminder of her birth and celebration of course, but also of spring and summer is close by. We look forward to this time of year. And this year was suppose to be a little bit more precious.

Back in September we announced to our family that we were expecting, again. The best part was calling up my mother-in-law and telling her we could possibly be giving her a wonderful birthday present, a new grand baby on her birthday. We were all ecstatic. Unfortunately, the baby only survived for a short 6 weeks inside me and went to be with his/her four other brothers/sisters in Heaven. This was a hard time for myself and Adam and our family. But we knew that God had a plan and we had to trust Him.

Before getting pregnant with this past child we tossed around the idea of adoption. It was in our plan to adopt after we had all of our kids. But after this last miscarriage I knew that I could not go through another miscarriage again, and I was done. It was a moment in my life that stood still. A moment I will never forget. The moment I gave up my plans and gave them to God. His plan was and is far greater than we could imagine that day. Because of this baby and his short life, we chose to move forward with fostering.

How could each of these babies in Heaven have a plan? Each of them did. Each baby brought our family closer to this point of letting go and trusting God with our life. And the old saying "easier said than done" is completely true. I still struggle daily with my plan for my life and what I want.

I want a lot of kids. Even if you have known me for a mere 20 minutes, you will know this to be true. Children our my passion and I even received a degree in Elementary Education studying children. I have worked along side kids all my life, since I was old enough to babysit at the young age of 13. I know how they tick and I am able to get down to their level and understand their wants and needs. Why wouldn't God want me to have kids?

I began reading that book "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith" a few weeks back and I came up on a part talking about leaving something behind. If you are move forward with God's will for your life many times He will ask you to leave something behind. This could be a location, like when my sister Casi left her family & friends to go to Nashville for a new job. It ended up being the best decision of her life. She misses us greatly, but doing what God has called her to do has made her blossom into this amazing women of God and He has blessed her tremendously. Or it could be a job or an idea. It is leaving the control you have on something and giving God room to take over. This doesn't mean that ones life will be miserable if they don't give up something, it will still be good. It does mean that if you do trust God and let go....you life could be amazing!

God wanted me to leave an idea of something:
(I wasn't going to share this...but here we go)

Two weeks ago I was abruptly woken up in the middle of the night. I am not sure of the time but it was dark. There wasn't a sound but I knew I was suppose to be awake at that moment. That is when I heard it...HIM. I have never in my life heard HIS voice this way. I experienced times where I felt He was leading me somewhere or giving me a nudge, but this was HIS voice. Loud and Clear. What did HE say? Another one of those moments that stood still and will never ever leave my mind and soul. "Audra, you need to leave the idea of having multiple children." WHAT?!!? I was shocked. I layed in bed staring into the darkness for what seemed like hours. Then I began to pray. I prayed for forgiveness over my idea of a lot children, I prayed that God would forgive me for my prideful thoughts on deserving a lot of children due to my experience, and I prayed for forgiveness over judging others for only having one child. I never understood why people would only have one kid. Children are gifts from God, why wouldn't you want more? This is not my job to judge, it is Gods and His alone. I do not know their story and I ask for forgiveness from everyone who may have felt judged by me.

I am not sure at this point what God means by what He said to be that night. I know that He is already taking me through a journey because of those heart wrenching words. By no means do I feel ungrateful for what I have. I am so blessed by Alivia and the joy she has brought our family. She is more of a miracle to me today than she was the day she was conceived and brought into this world. She is here on earth for a reason and I am going to soak up all the time I have with her and enjoy the precious moments I have just me and her.

God is preparing me. He wants me to understand that this fostering journey is going to be rough and that I will want to keep all of these kids. They are not mine to keep. They are mine to take care of and hopefully show them the love of our Lord. I am better equiped now to be a tool in Gods tool box. I am here to help bring these families back together by being there in their time of need. And if one or more of these children need a permanent home down the road, we are here!

Have Faith

Honestly, I haven't written in this blog in a while because I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to express the feelings I have been experiencing while going through this class. I would come to my computer a couple times, sit down and start typing and find that I have no words to say. There are so many thoughts swirling around inside my exhausted brain and I am not sure how to get them out. But I will try.

We are a third of the way done with our classes. We meet with 5 other couples and an older woman in a tiny room in Dekalb. The two ladies that lead the class are extremely comical at times as if we are watching an awkward interaction on a saturday night live performance. But both are very knowledgeable in what they do and we have learned so much already. One of the ladies has been a foster parent since she was in her early 20's and has fostered and adopted 13 boys from ages 3-17. She has brought forth ideas and thoughts that never enter our minds before.

This time in class has been draining yet so informative. I have felt unfit for this position and at the same time encouraged. Many times I want to run right out of the room and never come back but I am constantly reminded of the plan that God has for us. The plan He has called for us. I am reminded of the kids that are in need of love and help. I am reminding that we can do all things through Him who gives us strength (phil 4:13). And I stay, I return, and I will continue to return until we are done.

I had a very close friend lend me a book on my Nook and it was perfect timing. It is called What happens when women walk in faith by, Lysa TerKeurst. I only read one chapter yet it hit the nail on the head. Here are a few things that I pulled from the first chapter.

"What we call mundane is, in some very important ways, significant in Gods school of preparation"
-All those years of waiting and wondering what God was doing in my life was for a reason. He was preparing me for what He had for my life. Preparing me for this. The schooling I had, the many families I nannied for, the financially tough times we went through, the five miscarriages that I experience, and all the many many times that we moved. All seemed small or insignificant at the time but as you put the whole picture together they are huge for the task my husband and I are striving to fulfill. During each of those times in my life God lead me closer to my calling.

"God doesn't call the qualified, but He qualifies those He calls"
-Many times my heart cried out to God "I am not fit for this position, how can I do this" I can't do this alone, I can only do it with God right by my side. As long as I am following Him and continue to be obedient to His word and calling, I CAN do this and I am qualified. "Hold closely to God and keep looking for the next open door of opportunity"

I have only read one chapter of this book and I can already say I would highly recommend it.

These classes keep getting harder and harder because the reality is the need is more significant. The children need foster families that can provide stability, love and support. I pray that I can be that to the children that walk through my door.

Eyes on the Prize

This past Sunday, Rich Raad gave a sermon in our series on MARK. This sermon was focused on the verses where Jesus is getting accused and Peter has denied Jesus three times before the rooster crowed for the second time. Rich went on to explain how Jesus and Peter handled their circumstances. Jesus could have stopped these men from accusing him and being executed but He knew how many lives he was going to save by allowing these things to happen. He was keeping his eye on the prize.

This sermon really hit home with me. Starting Saturday afternoon and leading into church I received disappointing news from many things I was waiting to hear good news on. All of the hope I had for these things were gone. I didn't feel like going in to worship and praising God. I felt like God didn't care. But He does care about me. I just had a moment. That moment was soon over when God spoke to me through Rich. Keep your eyes on the prize.

My prize is becoming a foster parent. We just got our letter that we will be attending the PRIDE classes out in Dekalb every Wednesday night until May. This is going to be hard. A lot of long nights away from Livi and a lot of driving. We can do it...we must keep our eyes on the prize. God's plan for us!

Thank you Rich Raad for reminding me to keep my focus on God and not earthly desires.

Progress!!

We did it! We got all of our finger printing done! Hooray!! I didn't know if this day was going to come or not! Ha. We finished our application and I put it in the mail today! It was nice to get something accomplished. It was so hard to coordinate each other's schedules to get fingerprinted. There were certain locations and times and everyone has a different schedule. But we did it! I feel like we are a little closer and I am anticipating out next step, training. These classes will be up to 9 weeks of training. And we will have a couple home studies during that time. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to go through this process! Much love!

While I'm waiting...

It was Tuesday night and I was on my way home from a meeting. It was late, around 10:30 and I just wanted to get home so I could sneak into Alivia's room and give her goodnight kisses and crawl into bed myself. It was great to get out and have some uninterrupted time with other ladies from my church. I was in my mom's car, a red sporty car that likes to go fast! My foot always seems heavier in that car and even more so at that time of night. It was just my luck I got stuck behind a slow driver. I didn't even want to speed, I just wanted to go the speed limit. They were going 45 in a 55 and I couldn't pass...figures. When I had the chance to finally pass, I did it! I normally wouldn't feel like I had enough power in my vue, but in this car I hit the gas hard! I did it! Whew...Then the light turned red! No! I always laugh at people who pass me and then we get stuck behind a red light..."was it worth it?" I always say under my breath. The SUV gets in the turn lane and I keep looking forward trying not to make eye contact with them. I let out a small laugh and the light turned. Here we go! I go the car up to 60 in no time, I'll be home in no time now. I see break lights just ahead of me getting closer and closer and closer, I slam on my breaks! What!?! You got to be kidding me! Then a thought entered my mind. This thought always comes to me when I am in situations like this. Maybe...God is saving me from something. He wants me to take it slow because the gift will be far greater than going fast. I started to ease up on the wheel a little bit and relax my muscles.
I thought back to the day before when I was driving up the hill by my home around 9pm. I was just about to reach the peak of the hill and that is when I saw it, a DEER! In the middle of the road. Not uncommon you think? I have lived in this subdivision for almost 20 years and have NEVER seen this or even a deer near my house. Once I got up to the top of the hill I not only saw one but I saw two! They proceeded to casually walk into the yard of an abandon house. I sat there watching them like they were lions that had escaped from the local zoo! If I was only a few seconds earlier I might have rammed into one of them! Who would be watching for a deer to cross in a subdivision? Not me!
Well..I get the point God! Thank you! Many times I get frustrated that things are taking so long and try and force things to happen. Even though I did all I could do to control the situation things still don't get done. The finger printing lady tells my mom she needs another paper, my dad misses the only day of the month that they will be at this certain location by his work and Adam has been swamped with his work. I could get frustrated and angry that things are going as quickly, but I think back to the other night and those deer that I just barely missed. I know God is saving us for something better or protecting us from something unseen. Either way, I will trust him....b/c I really don't know what the heck I'm doing!
God bless! Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Enjoy this song from the movie Fireproof!

Waiting...

I don't have any updates but we are waiting...very patiently. Right now we are waiting to get finger prints, then waiting to get our home study done, and waiting for our classes.....waiting for our kids. I keep thinking about who might come through our doors and what challenges will we face, how much hurt did they go through? God knows who is going to walk through that door and God is going to give us the wisdom to know how to love that child. I found this song by typing in "waiting" into YouTube. I pretty much summed up where we are. We have stepped out of the box and we are waiting. Have you ever thought if you are in a box? Is there a way you could step outside the lines and see where it takes you? It might be amazing. "Its suppose to be hard, if it wasn't hard everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great" -league of their own.

First Meeting

The first meeting is done and it went really well. A lot of questions were answered and we were able to get a better understanding of things to come. The road will be challenging and honestly that idea makes want to turn around and live my safe life just as it is. But then the thought of being able to provide a safe and loving home for a child is worth every heartache or giving a child back, or every struggle I have with a child that doesn't know how to be love and refusing love, or just the lack of sleep from being called in the middle of night for a newborn. Whatever trail that may come I know I can turn to God for guidance and He will show me the right path and give me the strength to continue. I know that I have friends and family that will be there for me through the good and bad and will be praying hard for us, and we thank you from the bottom of our heart for that. I know that when we experience those trials...they are minimal to some of the trails these kids could be facing. I know that now is the time to do something, be bigger than myself and live outside of my comfort zone because we are meant for something bigger. We are the light of the world.